Vote for Sale, Best Offer, As Is

(originally published February 2003 at Strike The Root)

Designed by the famous Forefathers, maintained by thousands at great personal expense, and formerly cherished by millions, this magnificent model is in dire need of restoration. Current owner can no longer afford the constantly rising maintenance cost, which last year totaled $24,000.

I took proud possession of this rare and precious model in 1960. It can only be used once every other year, so it has extremely low mileage. Came with a lifetime unconditional guarantee, but the guarantee has been "redefined" and "updated" often, and the manufacturer has long since stopped responding, so buy it "as is".

The Liberty hood ornament, although only decorative, is in great condition, but the original shining red, white and blue exterior has morphed into an awful combination of welfare puce, khaki green and warmonger dark gray... sort of a camouflage look.

Fuel efficiency is nil... no matter how much I put into it, the emptier it seems to get, and the gauge actually shows LESS than zero.

Steering is completely shot... no matter which way I steer it, it takes me to places I don't want to go, and has often taken me to places nobody wants to go. On rare occasions, it will begin to go where I want, but at a very slow speed, and some other failure always occurs, diverting me to a completely different place. I started my last trip in November of 2002, and I'm now writing to you from one of the scariest places I've been in many years.

If you're adventurous, or rich, or don't care where you go, or a collector of American memorabilia... Make your best offer... buy a piece of our heritage... maybe you can use it for parts for yours.